


To Let Them In

by sarabeth1



Series: Ressler Prompts [6]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Anniversary, Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 12:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8057314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarabeth1/pseuds/sarabeth1
Summary: He didn't just loose Audrey Bidwell that cold winter day. Donald Ressler lost his unborn child. **ONE SHOT - Part of the Ressler Prompt Series (Pt 6)** How Ressler deals with the anniversary of Audrey's death, set years in the future, also some domestic KEENLER





	To Let Them In

**Author's Note:**

> Ressler Prompt # 6 of our Prompt Series. Wow, #6 already! This one we used was submitted by a Tumblr user :
> 
> Ressler Prompt #6, submitted by oswasawas on Tumblr. It's Audrey's memorial day. Does he want to spend it alone? Will he talk about this to anyone? And what will happen?
> 
> NOTE: Reviews are always appreciated.

To Let Them In

There were people who thought that perhaps it wasn't so healthy that he still visited year after year. That it wasn't healthy that he clung to her memory the way he did. They didn't know the bond he had with her or the love he shared with her. And he wasn't just visiting her. He was visiting them. He didn't just loose Audrey Bidwell that cold winter day. Donald Ressler lost his unborn child. It took a lot to ask and find out if she had been pregnant after finding the test. He would have found out regardless but he didn't want to wait long after finding that open box.

With shaky hands he called the Medical Examiner and yes she was pregnant. They had only been together for 3 months and she had been an estimated 6 weeks along. Just enough that she was noticing the changes in her body. It took him a long time to deal with the loss of both his girlfriend and child. And even the knowledge that he had Tanida's head, it didn't make it better. He disposed of the head late one night in an ice covered pond in the middle of nowhere. Still, the pain lingered.

Very few people knew he mourned more than just Audrey. His partner, and now wife, Liz, knew. Raymond Reddington, the man who knew it all, he knew. Other than Audrey's family who to this day still blamed him, and rightfully so, for her death knew about the baby. And that was fine by him. It was his cross to bear and bear alone.

The sun was shining and snow was on the ground. Agnes was outside building a snowman with her little sister. Liz watched them from the breakfast nook as she held a warm cup of a coffee in her hands. Breakfast dishes scattered about. The morning was getting away from him and if he wanted to have his alone time before his girls wanted him to go ice skating or go see a movie he better head out now. Ressler smiled at the sight before him. At the wife he never took for granted and to the girls in the backyard he was blessed to call his.

"Tom's coming for Agnes tonight at 8 so if we want to see that movie we need to do it early enough, ok?" Liz's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, I won't be long. I just have to run a few errands." Ressler closed the gap between them bending down to kiss the top of her head. "I'll pick up Ruger's dog food while I'm out too."

"I know you were busy the last few days with the case so," Liz began. "Gerlein's has an order waiting for you just in case. I hope I didn't…," she was unable to finish.

"You are the best. I love you, you know that." Ressler looked outside and locked eyes with his 10-year-old step daughter Agnes who waved brightly. Their German Shepherd, Ruger, running alongside her little sister Audie, who looked like a mini Ressler. "Tell the girls I'll be home soon."

Ressler almost made it out the door when he heard his 7-year-old call out to him. Knowing he wasn't getting out anytime soon he turned to see two very red faced little girls looking at him.

"Audie got to run errands with you last week, daddy. She says it's her turn today but it's mine. And I leave to go away for the week. Can I please go with you?" Aggie asked. Her voice was even and that of a young girl trying to act older than she was. Audie on the other hand had her bottom lip out and was pouting.

"Agnes, your father has something very grown up he has to do today. Another time," Liz said as she got up from the table and walked across the kitchen through the dining room.

"I can be grown up. Uncle Red says I'm very grown up."

Ressler snorted at the mention of Reddington. "Well, Aggie you are very mature but I really do need to do this alone."

"I'm coming and that's final." Agnes crossed her arms and she couldn't have looked more like her mother.

"Seriously, Agnes. He's picking up Ruger's food. Going to the florists, which you hate because you always sneeze, the bank, then he's donating blood." Liz put her hands on Audie's shoulders as the youngest of the Keen-Ressler household tried not to giggle at her mother's terrible attempt at lying.

"We'll be back in a few hours, Liz. You can run errands with me next week Audie," Ressler said as he gave his youngest a hug and kiss. Aggie gave her sister a smug look to which he could only shake his head. So much like her mother and father.

Between their two girls, Agnes had been least sheltered. She had been kidnaped as a child. Her birth father, the one she would be going to spend the week with was an ex spy who now worked with his mother at an elite agency doing things that were not on the up and up for the most part. And from what he had heard from Liz, was being groomed to take over one day. But, Agnes was very loved and very well aware of the dangers of the world around her. Audie on the other hand. Oh, sweet naïve Audie. She thought the word was full of rainbows and kittens. And Ressler preferred it to stay that way.

Aggie made him listen to some annoying bubble gum pop song that he was sure she herself hated but as a pre-teen was obligated to listen to just to annoy him. They stopped for the dog food. Then he stopped at the floral shop for the flowers he was too busy to order. Liz had ordered a beautiful basket that the florist said would withstand the elements. Ressler never thought of that in all the years. He usually got her roses and figured they died not long after dropping them off. He would have to remember that for the next year.

When they pulled up to the cemetery he waited. Audrey's parents were like clockwork. And he wanted to make sure they were gone. It wasn't long until he saw the puff of white air from the exhaust on their car go down the small hill. Aggie, being the ever observant one that she had always been just watched Ressler with those wise beyond her years eyes and when he opened his door she followed suit. And when he started to walk the short distance past the few gravestones and stop by the lone stone situated under the large oak, she stopped a few steps behind.

"I didn't bring roses this year. Liz ordered this. They will last longer. Not that you are here but I think you'd appreciate it. You always hated when I wasted money," Ressler set the arrangement beside the one her parents left. "I have someone I want you to meet." He turned to look back at her. "Agnes," he said to the quiet child watching him in interest. She came to his side. "Before your mom and I got married I was in love with someone else."

"Like how she was in love with my dad?"

"Yeah, kind of like that." Ressler put his arm around her shoulder. "She died."

"Why do you visit her like this? Mom doesn't visit Grandpa Sam like this."

"She wasn't the only one who died. She was pregnant." Ressler moved so that he was now standing in front of her.

"We had a brother or sister?"

"You did." He nodded holding back a tear. It had been years but that pain would never lessen.

Agnes wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight. Ressler wasn't sure how long they were in that embrace but it felt good. Sharing that moment with her. He had never allowed anyone in on this moment of his pain and grief, not even Liz. It felt good not being alone. And Agnes always had a calming way about her. Finally, she pulled away and took a step towards the stone.

"Audrey. You named Audie after her." She looked up him with wide eyes.

"Your mother's idea."

"It was a good idea." She ran her hand over the stone. "Why isn't the baby's name on the stone?"

"The baby was too little. I don't even know if it was a boy or girl. There's no name to put on a stone." Ressler watched as the gears began to turn in her head.

"That's just stupid, dad. Pick a gender neutral name." Agnes shook her head. "I'm sorry he's such a bone head sometimes, Audrey. Mom and I will fix it, don't worry." She turned to Ressler. "I'll wait in the car and give you some time." She stood up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for bringing me."

He stood there in awe as his not so little girl walked back to the car. How was she so wise? He spent a few minutes alone with his thoughts before heading back to the car and Agnes. She put on some music that wasn't obnoxious and didn't bring up Audrey or the child that was lost. They went home and were greeted by Liz and Audie and an excited Ruger who wanted his food. And after their movie and dinner Agnes went to her fathers for the week. They put Audie to bed and that night, alone in bed Ressler was finally able to tell Liz about his moment with Agnes.

"She amazes me every day you know. How she knows what to say and when. And how she knows when not to say something," he said as he laid on his side facing his wife.

"I have to warn you, she's up to something. She was all whispers with Audie."

"I know." Ressler chuckled.

"What happened?"

"I told her about the baby. She asked why the baby didn't have his or her name on the stone. I said the baby didn't have one. She called me out on that one." He cupped Liz's face with his hand. "She's so much like you."

"It meant the world to her that you let her in today. While she may be so much like me and Tom at times, she adores you and wants to be like you. She watches your every move. It drives Tom crazy. You know he jokes and says one day you'll no longer be a one-man justice league. That you and Aggie will be a crime fighting team. And God help us all when that day comes." Liz laughed.

"Is this about the time she told on herself when she stole that candy bar? It's just good manners, Liz." Ressler pulled himself up and leaned against the headboard.

"She found the nearest security guard, put her little hands out in front of him and said 'cuff me officer, I'm a felon and deserve to be behind bars'. I thought he was going to pee himself from laughter." Liz pulled herself up as well and leaned her head on his shoulder. "We are raising two amazing young girls, Don. And maybe next year, we could all go with you. As a family. Audie is old enough to know about the wonderful, loving woman she's named after. I think Audrey would like that."

Ressler kissed the top her head. The anniversary of Audrey's death would always be rough. He knew that. The image of her bleeding out in his arms never left his mind. Her smile, her laugh, the smell of her perfume…as the years went by those things faded. He knew very few women would be as supportive as Liz was in his desire to keep her memory alive and he could never thank her enough for it. Perhaps she was correct and next year he should bring his whole family along. Liz, out of them all deserved to be with him the most. He shouldn't shut them out of an important part of his life.

IIIIIIII

"It was nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Bidwell," Liz said as shook Audrey's mother's hand. "I never met your daughter but I know she was such a wonderful woman."

"Thank you for doing this. I wish we had thought of it all those years ago," Mrs. Bidwell explained as tucked in to her husband. The wind was picking up and the snow was falling.

Ressler had only wanted to spend today with Liz and the girls but when he found out what they had planned and realized they wanted the Bidwell's input he knew it would have to be a bigger thing than originally planned. It was a year ago today he stood in this very place with Aggie, telling her about Audrey and her sibling that he lost all those years ago. And how Aggie asked him in all her wisdom why the baby had no name on the stone. That was like a sucker punch. Because, there was no mention of the baby Audrey had been carrying and the more and more Ressler thought about it the more he realized Audrey would hate that.

Then Aggie and Audie came to him. They asked him to pick a name for the baby and they were wanted to find a way to get the baby's name on the headstone. So, that was how they all ended up there today. With the Bidwell's. Ressler recalled Audrey saying she loved the name Alex for a baby and how perfect it was because it could be for a boy or girl. Her parents hung up on him a few times and it took a few calls from Liz before they listened. Then, after a few meetings they agreed on a new stone.

"Audrey Grace Bidwell and Baby Alex Bidwell Ressler," her mother read off from the stone. There was a rose and baby booties on it as well. She pulled Liz in to an awkward hug. "Thank you again for this. Our Audie, she would have wanted this all along."

"That's my name too," Audie said proudly.

"She would have liked that too," Mr. Bidwell chuckled.

"It was Agnes and Audrey's idea actually. They wanted Audrey and the baby to have the proper stone. They wanted a name to call their sibling," Ressler offered and pulled his girls close. He couldn't be more proud of them.

He stood back as the girls walked up to the Bidwell's and hugged them. He could see the tears in Audrey's mother's eyes and watched as her father's gruff exterior fell apart and he too cried. It took far too long for any real healing to begin but this was a start and he had those two little girls to thank. He had to change his way of thinking from this day forward as well. He was denying Audrey and their child a lot when he said he only had two children. No, from this forward he would always say he had three. One in heaven and two here. He would no longer deny baby Alex's existence.

The Bidwell's headed off on their way as Liz ushered the girls to their car. Ressler hung back a moment. The snow was still falling pretty steadily but he felt a calmness wash over him. He looked up at the sky and smiled. "Hey, Audrey. I hope we did good. The girls say you'll like it. Give Alex a hug and kiss from us. I'll always love you. Never forget that, sweets," he said softly.

He closed his eyes for a moment before headed back to his family. He jumped in to the now warm car then smiled at his girls. He was blessed with a second chance and he never forgot it.

"Uncle Red is waiting for us. He said if you are late again I'm getting a pony!" Audie jumped in excitement. "Mom, are we late?" She handed her sister's cell phone to her mother.

"Tell Reddington he is not buying my daughter a friggin' pony," Ressler grumbled as he put the car in drive.

"That's how we got Ruger though!" Aggie added through a fit of giggles.

"Don't remind me." Ressler shook his head as the cemetery disappeared in the background.


End file.
